I long for simplicity

I wish everything could be simple right now, but it's not. Death is never a walk in the park to deal with. The older I get, the more I think about - things. If I ever get to be as old as my grandparents, I'd want to be just like them. No matter what they're dealt, they've dealt with everything with a great deal of class - most of the time. Grandma always seemed to have everything together and only got frustrated when she got closer to the end, when she was in constant pain. Grandpa had problems at first, when Grandma started to go downhill and he couldn't face losing his lifelong partner, but he always - no matter what - cherished her. The guy I end up with has some pretty big shoes to fill, that's all I've got to say. Their marriage was one of the few examples I've seen of a real Christian marriage - the woman, yes, is told that the husband is head of the household, but everyone always forgets the instructions to the man - that he must love his wife the way that Christ loved the church - that He laid his life down for the church and was a perfect sacrifce for us. I think that men have it harder in that respect. But my grandparents truly cherished each other - and Grandpa - even with his illnesses, still looks for her.

Family support is always beneficial for performers. Just want to take time in the middle of a hectic, frustrating week to acknowledge my grandparents. They always encouraged me to be true to myself, so here I am, trying to make a living as an opera singer. I had been teaching, following in my mother's footsteps, but it never seemed like the right fit. I don't care how many people tell me that I'm a wonderful teacher, I just don't feel like myself when I have to teach full time. Small groups, ok. Private music students - great. But public school - not for me. I respect too many people in the profession and care about the kids too much to be up in front of a class on a full time basis without my whole heart in it. Now opera outreach is another story entirely. Put me in front of a large group of kids telling a story, and I feel alive. Well, Grandpa Palmer always says; "It's not work if you enjoy it."

Little Night Music has been the greatest joy of my life to work on - a great script, fabulous director/tech/crew, and a cast with no egos - just people working hard together to put on a great show. I’ve made some new lifelong friends and reconnected with some old ones. The biggest professional thing I learned, and my humorous story for this post: never do anything in performance that you have not rehearsed - at least once - in a real rehearsal. As wonderful as our costume crew was, there was a miscommunication about a costume change, so the stage crew ended up helping me until opening night (the guys were perfect gentlemen about the whole thing). Well, I was so focused on it that I jumped the costume change to the exit before it needed to me (they were pretty close together and almost identical - I ran off crying in both instances). So, on opening night, the dressers started stripping me (and the merry widow/long line gave out so out comes my top half) when the next scene starts, and I realize “Oh, crap, I have to be on stage in about 5 seconds!” Our Fredrik later told me he didn’t think we were going to make it, but we did - me running on with my shawl covering my unzipped bodice, let out the giant sob when I see Henrik and Petra together and running back off for the proper change time (which was interesting all by itself). Ah - live theater!

I’ve never cried at the end of a run before. Desiree and Fredrik were at the moment for their kiss in the last scene when everyone backstage started weeping and hugging each other. Noone wanted it to end. Several people in the company are also working on the move to NYC (I still haven’t found the right apartment - yet), so we decided to start looking for a larger space as well to open up more options.

AW has been a big help through all this. Especially the artist’s dates. I actually took myself to a jazz concert (Charlie Hunter Trio) that was at the college where we performed A Little Night Music. The concert was so energizing, fun, and over far too soon. It was a joy to see the performers up there showing that they were having fun, joking around with each other, and letting the audience in on the fun. I felt funny at first, dressed in nice slacks and blouse with all these guitarists in jeans and tshirts sitting around me. The one guy sitting next to me started up a brief conversation when he saw my copy of the coloratura soprano aria book (I took the opportunity to use a practice room for a bit). He thought it was pretty cool that a “stuffy opera singer” was at a jazz concert. I really am relishing doing things like this for myself.

Getting ready for a move to NYC and the auditions has kept me quite crazy. I knew it would take some time to get everything set, find a place, a job, ect, but didn’t realize how much it would consume my life. One positive thing - it’s got me decluttering like crazy. (I’ve been FlyLadying, but haven’t been quite as dedicated as I have been lately!)

Auditions have been going well - no jobs yet, but better feedback and am feeling more confident. Some fun Artist’s Dates - including a stroll through Central Park on my way to see Lucia ;-) at NYCO. Oh - and Urinetown. Twice now. If you get a chance - go. Yes, the subject matter is, well, bizarre, but - it’s witty and the performances are wonderful.

I have a lesson tomorrow. Need to focus on that. Not this. But I guess I'm just nervous. I know I shouldn't be. I'm told I have a voice - a real voice, not just a wannabe's voice. I don't hear it yet. I just know I feel good when I sing and that people are happy when I do. I love singing for the seniors in nursing/retirement homes. They're so appreciative - and despite what some say, they don't just want to hear the stuff they already know - they welcome new things too. The more you expose yourself to new music, the better your brain becomes. More people need to hear that little tidbit. Well, I'll try this again later. (Later, when is later.........)

I guess I'm just frustrated with auditions lately. I got sick going down to NYC for the last audition, so I had to postpone and ended up dumping a load of money to stay in NYC till the audition. If I had gone when I was supposed to, I probably would have been called back. I'm so mad at myself. I need to get this weight off, stay healthy and sleep decent hours as much as possible. I must really be in to self sabotoge. Sigh. All I want to do is sing.

I'm thinking about moving sooner than planned. I don't think I can be in this atmosphere and still be creative. I'm actually bored here at home - no real challenges, no real support. Rising Sun was so nurturing that everything at home was a let down in comparison. But I need that financial cushion that a couple of months here will bring me. And the time to look for an apartment and a job in the big city.

BLOGGER
just testing out the Blog This feature. I'm glad to see my grandfather and the puppies again, but other than that, I didn't want to come home. I've decided to move to New York City. More to do. More opportunites. And I can work with Gene.

We had to interact as our characters (I’m using Adele due to an upcoming audition) in a variety of ways. The most interesting was “You’re at a train station, waiting for a train”. Adele interacted with Nemorino, Donna Anna, Dandini, Beppo, Nedda, Blondchen, and Daisy Buchanan (imagine Daisy Buchanan teaching Adele - er - “Olga” how to Charleston and telling her to chop off Rosalinda’s dress above the knee.....) That kind of play is very freeing! There are moments, despite the pressures and intense schedule, that this whole program has been like one big artist’s date.

Play is important. It’s crucial!

Off to a concert - don’t forget to Play!!!

I had an inadvertent artist’s date when I attempted to drive into Cincinnati from Rising Sun - I accidentally
turned up another road, heading north on Indiana Rt 1 (oops!). But Nigel Kennedy was playing some Bach with an orchestra, and the weather was lovely, so I had a nice recharging drive. I also had a small shopping spree, looking for new audition shoes, that turned into clothes buying when I found this little Indian-styled clothing shop with some beautiful hand-embroidered clothes (perhaps useful for playing around with Lakme...;-) I never buy clothes for myself, so I felt funny. In amongst them is a beautiful hand crocheted shawl with beads that I haven’t used yet, but I feel like I’ve given myself something really luxurious.

Acting class today was highly productive: we worked in partners, singing our arias to each other and placing small beads (our acting teacher went to the Party Store for them) around important words: could be beginning, middle, or end of the word, but it had to be when the thought impulse lead us to do it. It really opened up Adele for me! I practically was throwing them at my partner in a couple places. She was really impressed at what this did for my performance of the piece.

We also worked with beginnings, middles, and ends of our arias: ie, Mein Herr Marquis would be

Beg: Darum rate ich, ja genauer sich, die Leute an zu sein

Mid: Der gleichen finden Sie bei einer Zofe nie

End: Mir scheint wohl, die Liebe Macht Ihre Augen trübe, Der schönen Zofe Bild Hat ganz Ihr Herz erfüllt!

We had to assign qualities of movement/emotion to each and work through, making them flow together and explore the distances between them. Quite interesting!

Anyways, most AW stuff has flown out the window - a few morning pages (sometimes I do them at lunch under the trees outside the school where we are working), but not consistent, and only the accidental artist’s date. Lots of walks (I walk to the library, to the grocery store, so I’ll try and fit the walks in there), but the only thing that’s been consistent has been reading “Walking in the World”. I’ve actually been rereading the first 2 chapters, as they really are making more sense to me with what I’m going through. I was thinking about processing the personal experience more before sharing it with y’all, but one thing I’ve learned here is that I edit myself too much, so here goes nothing:

I’m moving. Probably to New York.

They’ve recommended a teacher for me to contact, plus my current one may also be moving there, as well as the contact with the coaches I’ve been working with. There are many wonderful things to do where I am currently, but I almost feel constrained in terms of artistic growth - no challenge any more. I just found out what the outreach program wants to do this next year and am having second thoughts, sort of, but I know what it says in Chapter 2 - some things will seem comfortable and easy to slide back into. The quote that sums up the whole thing for me is from Center Stage (the ballet movie): when presumably offered a chance to the in the chorus of one of the best dance companies in the world, the main character says something to the effect of: “I don’t want to spend the best years of my performing life waving a tulip in the back of the chorus.” I can’t really complain about any of the opportunities I’ve had over the last 2 years, but I’ve become lacksidasical (sp?) in my performing.

I’m taking extensive notes in the masterclasses and taping everything I possibly can. My big relevation today is that we tend to rely too much on recordings (people making notational mistakes from recordings - even if you aren’t practicing with them - just stuff we pick up secondhand, as it were). Also, try what the composer has on the page (ie. rests for me - I was glossing over a few), as there’s usually a reason for what’s there - for acting as well as musically. I just spent the better part of an hour rerecording a “melody only” tape of all my arias, just to be sure all the pitches were there. I’m going home to hum (closed ng, that is, for my new space that I’m finding) to it, just to double check things. I’ve already found 2 spots in different pieces where the pitches aren’t quite perfect.

The best thing overall that we’ve done so far is acting class - not just coaching, but regular acting classes, as well as movement. We all start the morning off together in a yoga/dance class - we actually sweated big time this am (Thursday), making up dance steps to “Shake Senora” - that song from the end of the movie “Beetlejuice”. But the bulk of the class is yoga style breath and strengthening, along with a short ballet barre so we learn to move gracefully on stage. My teacher from home is the diction instructor and alreaady notices more of a freedom in my breathing. The closest thing I can think of commercially is Rodney Yee’s AM Yoga for Beginners - some of the breathing stretches and poses are on there.

I’ve had other relevations of a personal nature - AW related, that I need to work through and share at a later time.

Well, here I am in Indiana. The one on one coachings are great, but getting up for these masterclasses is really scary. I have such a fear of them, it's ridiculous. I hate it. I wish I could have more confidence in myself, but I feel so far below everyone else sometimes. Or that they think I suck. or something. I love the coaches I'm working with. I had two - one extra(!) fabulous coachings today. I shouldn't let the masterclass bum me out. I just wish I could show the confidence I feel inside - my mental practice was fine, but I got up there for Beginnings and Endings and screwed up the pronunciation of my last name, of all things. Wish I could change it! It totally threw me off. I need to not let that happen. I love the acting coachings and acting class the best. I'll do better tomorrow. Off for more prep. At least the journaling helps.

Well, that transfer didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped - I really need to put these entries into their proper dates. My comments have ended up at the top of each transferred entry, and my explanation about what I did at the bottom of it all - kind of sloppy. Sorry, if you are reading this. June 27 is a compilation of entries I had made as test posts on other blog sites, but decided to consolidate it all here. But that's life. Maybe once I do the paid thing, I can straighten it out.


Editing comment: finally am taking the time to straighten things out. I'm spending part of this afternoon listening to some new rep and reposting entries in their proper dates (Feb 29, 04)

Thoughts

I can't believe that Jay is still dealing with the financial end of things for his aunt and trying to figure out what to do with all the stuff. She did eventually pass away - the doctors were only able to control the leukemia for a couple of days at a time, and she left us in December. It's never easy dealing with this part of life - it can be very overwhelming at times. Uncle Fred also passed away - on the anniversary of the beginning of The Battle of the Bulge, interestingly enough. That's the one where he won the Bronze Star for - if I remember correctly - leading his platoon (?) on a retreat in battle conditions and not losing a single man. There's a special term, so I'll have to check my facts on that to make sure. I'll edit this entry later to correctly reflect the circumstances.

Thoughts on Iraq - so many of us wished it had never come to that (war), and some have declared it done and overwith, but there's still so much going on, and our troops are still in great danger in many places. One of the staff at the last sub jobs I had found out that his brother in law is being sent over - and he'll be in the danger zones. Is there anywhere over there that isn't a danger zone any more? My heart goes out to the children forced to go through this mess. I wish they could all have the carefree childhood I had. They should be going to school and playing with family and friends, not running from bombs and being terrorized.

At least my Grandpa's smile and sense of humor are still there - even though his power of speech is waning now. He's truly a bright spot in all this mess and still a rock for me to lean on. If he can't say anything else, he can still sing hymns and say prayers. The power and blessingings of God are totally evident in his life.

Aunt Olive and Lena Einstein

Two people I know passed away this week. The first was Aunt Olive - such a sweet person. I know she was in a lot of pain - so much that that they had to use a double dose of morphine. I wish that she didn't have to suffer. The illnesses that Uncle Ray and Grandpa are facing are, in an odd way, blessings at these times. I think if they were fully aware of the loss of their beloved spouses, the grief would be too much for them. The Alzheimer's and Parkinson's that each one faces kind of protects them. I can see glimpses of it with Grandpa - the moments he's aware of Grandma's passing and the overwhelming grief that creeps out at those moments. As the rest of the family is out of town, and Grandpa can't really leave the nursing home, I'm the family representative for the funeral. One of the local radio morning programs had a topic recently along the lines of: "When did you know that you'd become an adult?". One of my answers now would be being in charge of buying flowers for a funeral on behalf of the family. I'd been in on those decisions before, but never had to deal with it on my own.

A friend of mine also died yesterday. Lina Einstein. She was a beautiful lady and very supportive of my singing. Even before she got sick, I'd think of her every time I listened to or worked on Die Entfuhrung aus dem Serail. I don't know why this opera in particular - not, let's say, Die Fledermaus instead, as she had sung in a few "community" type operetta groups (from the way she described them to me - she could have been just being modest). I'll never forget singing Stille Nacht for her during the Christmas services at Syracuse Homes. She's a very brave lady too - she and her husband left Germany just prior to WWII. (He was Jewish). With the studying I've done about the time period, I can only imagine what it was like for them. I'm very grateful to God that I was able to meet her. I know she's with her husband now and at peace, which is what she had been praying for for a while now. Even though there are a lot of people who will miss her, we're grateful for that fact.

On Writing and Family:

I'm really beginning to feel better about myself. Something about writing - journaling to be specific - is really helping. I like playing around with these online diaries. It'll be interesting to see if anything develops. I'd forgotten how much I loved to write as a child. I wonder if I can find my old writings and put them up here to work on them. It's alot better than having loose bunches of paper floating all over the place. This house is too cluttered. It's funny that I'd forgotten how much I identified with characters like Jo in Little Women, Anne Shirley, and Laura Ingalls. I need to get in touch with that side of myself. To explore my writings and connections with writers that I come across. My favorite authors: Jane Austen, LM Montgomery, Louisa May Alcott, Laura Ingalls Wilder, the Brontes, Dickens, Tolkein, C.S. Lewis for starters. Favorite poets: Rilke, Frost, Whitman, Tennyson. Let's leave it there for starters and see what happens. Work on poetry first - I'll have to upload some of my works to here.

It's interesting too, how much voice lessons have reawakened the urge to write within me. That, and the CSPeakPerf group that works on The Artist's Way and the rest of Cameron's works. I've found The Vein of Gold to be a real challenge, but working through the autobiographical sections has been very important. It's kind of something that I can pick at bit by bit. I hadn't researched much about my years at Fredonia, but a recent lesson caused a couple of painful memories to resurface - all that muscle memory, I guess. I hadn't thought about the one episode in a long time, and it reminded me of how trustworthy my grandparents are/were. I only told my grandparents about this one issue, and, to my knowledge, they never told another soul. I want to have that kind of integrity. That kind of trustworthiness. The funny thing is, I know Grandma for one never thought she was good enough. Her Bible and copies of The Upper Room I found lying around when we were cleaning out their home all had verses circled about how she needed to remember to control her tongue (the verses from James, for instance). And "Consider the lilies of the field..." from Matthew. My cousin Carolyn made the comment after Grandma's funeral that she (and we all said the same applied to us!) had a long way to go to be as good as Grandma. If you read this, Carolyn, I hope you know that I feel the same way. She really focused on being like Jesus - read The Scriptures every day - several times, as I recall - and prayed all the time. She really took His example to heart. The memories of her (and others) encouragements stick with me and have helped me open up the possiblities in my life. And she always showed people that she cared. I need to implement that more in my life.

Also:

In cleaning out my bookmarks, I came across other blog sites that I tried out. I was going to use them for different purposes, but it's too much work. I'm going to transfer the entries over to here - just wish at this point that I could put them in their proper dates, but I can't get to the paid section of blogger right now to transfer my membership (or whatever that is). That's life. It'll be interesting to read them and comment on them, I suppose. Here goes nothing!

I have to maintain the focus on the program this summer with everything going on. It's a hard balancing act. This journaling is a big help, though. I've been working on getting everything together for this summer's road trip. So far, I'm partially packed, but I do have a couple of weeks to go, and a brief trip up to the Adirondacks right before hand. I think I'll just take up one dress for that, as well as my rolling backpack. I won't need much more than that. And at least I know where I get my overpacking from: my mom. I was helping them get ready for their trip to Alaska, and Mom's suitcase was at least twice as heavy as Dad's. Yikes. And she wonders why she complains of back and shoulder problems!! The other thing I need to do is get my music together. I need several copies of each aria I'm working on, including the originals. I'm glad I've got several copies of each aria in some form or other. I think I'll take my scores and use those - I dont' care if those get written in. Well, I feel there's lots more to think about, but I'd better get busy with the music end of things.

I still have trouble falling asleep. Mom and Dad thought they needed to wake me up for a sub job back at the beginning of the month - and several sub jobs the week before. I know they call my sister every morning, but I'd rather just get up and maintain focus on what I need to do. I have an alarm clock that is not electric - let me take care of myself!!!! At least I'm on my own again for a couple of weeks, so once again, I can sleep as I need to and practice and write when I feel like it. It's nice to work on things when I have the dogs outside. I really need to get this business going so I don't need to really worry about sub jobs being a main source of income. I think substitute teachers are the only ones that really pray for no snow days....

Oh - and another way I feel like I've reached adulthood: paying my own $100+ dry cleaning bill without my father asking me if I needed any help paying it. I'm glad he's letting up on that kind of stuff.

I'm tired of being tired. This thing is taking a long time to go away. It would help if I could sleep decently, but in this small house, that's impossible. At least the 'rents are going away for a few days. I can practice and sleep as I wish. My students even called today to move to other days, so tomorrow is free and I can get some business stuff done. Need to get those bills mailed off. I want to think of something profound to put in these pages. We'll see what happens. I'm not my sister, the writer. That's for sure. I do love to write, though. I like being able to get things off my chest and out of my system. It's getting easier to take care of me as I do it. I'm glad I left teaching. It wasn't me and I wasn't turning into a good person. I couldn't be the person God wants me to be. As frustrating as the life of an actor can be at times, I feel I'm following the path that he wants me to follow.

I just feel this need to write and write. I'm not saying anything at all, but sometimes stream-of-conciousness can be a good thing. Or semi-stream of conciousness. I'm kind of editing thoughts as I type - not fair. I'm remembering meghan boeing from Ithaca and her journaling - at least she always seemed to have a blank book around. She's a person I wished I had known better. Very intelligent and self-assured. I'd like to be more like her. I'm glad we had the same host family that one time on choir tour. Not that I didn't love the times I spent with Amanda - especially in the one house that was under construction and we had a room full of plaster dust. I dont' know how we survived. She sure made it easier!

It's interesting how things in life connect up with each other.

For instance: I'm working through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, and I'll invariably find sermons in church that hit on the same issues. Like at Syracuse Home the other Sunday. It just really hit me. She ended up talking about blurts and affirmations (to use the Cameron phrase). I can believe in me. God certainly does. The morning pages are getting easier. Still no real artist’s date as I had hoped, but I’m finding that through the course of a day, I’m taking more “little moments” for me - for instance, parking on the far side of the lot when going to the supermarket so I can walk by the huge landscaping at the front of a certain aisle that is full of lilac bushes - the fragrance is heavenly. And, now that farmers’ markets are in season, fresh fruits and veggies. I find that I’m eating better when all my senses are involved.

I did find another wonderful spot for an artist’s date while performing in a benefit this weekend. It’s an art park set back in the hills east of the city. Apparently they have classes and concerts all summer. I’ve grown up in this area and had no clue that this even existed. There are multiple paths to explore as well.

Performance progress: I sang Glitter and Be Gay at the benefit (an all Bernstein concert). The rest of the performers were absolutely amazing, and it was highly inspirational to be there. I tried to perform without feeling the need to “do something” with every moment. (I can get in the way of my own performance pretty easily trying to pull some piece of schtick or other!). It almost worked - another performance or two, and I’ll have it. Fortunately, I had a fabulous accompanist - Kevin Moore - who helped make me look great! I actually got a standing ovation - my first(!) from a couple in the audience (I didn’t know them!), reconnected with a former coach - Jerry Exline - we’ll be working together again - he’s always been a big inspiration - *and* made a voice teacher who’s never really seemed to liked me smile a genuine smile :-), but the complete highlight of the evening was the 5 big hugs I received from my old flute teacher - John Oberbrunner. It was the first time he had heard me sing, and I don’t think - until last night - that he had ever forgiven me for giving up on the flute. He’s now one of my biggest fans :-) That meant more to me than anything has in a long time. And, I really appreciate Carol's confidence in me to ask me to do something of this nature. She's such a positive person to be around.

Goals:
1. AW and FlyLady - MPs, MPs, MPs!!
2. exercise: continue to use yoga breathing tape for energy. Add a weight loss video or ride the bike now that the energy level is getting better.
3. Keep organizing for summer program.
4. Refine arias for late June mini recital for local charitable organization. Rehearse with accompanist
5. Keep up with early bedtime.

I got the program package in the mail - I was beginning to get antsy about it. The place looks gorgeous - we're even staying in houses, not a dorm, and they overlook the river. We'll even have a kitchen, which I'm happy about. Easier to stay on the diet if I'm not around fast food all the time. I love that we were told to bring *ballet slippers* if we had them!!! I miss dance class - wish I could afford lessons. I need them. The road trip is actually doable with the stops I have in mind, which is nice, but the visit to Coshocton will be on the way back, I think. They haven't picked any pieces for me, so for Female Charitable I'm doing: Caro nome, Willow Song, Doll Song and something German - I have too many there to pick from. Same with French, but they'll all know the Doll Song for sure. There's tons of stuff to prep for the summer, so I'm going to get my butt in gear this week and get everything planned and laid out. I don't think we have any house guests coming between now and then. Yeah road trip!

Well, I've got a concert tomorrow night, so I'm going to get some rest. It's "just" Glitter and Be Gay" and "Make Our Garden Grow", but there's the church job in the am - I'll have to go easy at rehearsal. But it's exciting to be earning money singing - finally.

I'm getting more and more thrilled about this summer. I'm really looking forward to improving as much as I can AND I also just found out that a friend of mine from grad school will be there- her boyfriend too. It'll be great to see her again. She's such a postive person to be around with such a commitment to her voice and the music. I can't wait to hear the progress in her voice. I've decided to drive out. Then I can stop and see the family in Cleveland and Cincinnati on the way. Maybe even stop at the cemetery where Hazel is buried. We'll see. It would provide me with the perfect spots in which to break up the trip!

It's Memorial Day (celebrated, that is) in 2003 and I'm looking forward to spending part of my summer in Indiana working on this craziness we call a theatrical career. I absolutely love it - even when I'm on a 10 foot platform with no railing in the back and I'm petrified every minute. I was proud of myself: I really came a long way in conquering my fear of heights during MacBeth. I would never have been able to do it, though, without the assistance of my fellow choristers. I actually walked across the platform by myself before our final rehearsal. Had to stop once in the center, but I made it. (You guys are all faboo - just in case you didn't know that already!)

Anyhoo - about Indiana. I'll be at Rising Star Singer's Audition Works. Two lessons a week, two coachings a week, private diction lessons (with Patrice!!!!), acting,
movement, and 3 concerts in 3 weeks, among other activities. I'm getting anxious to find out what I'll be singing for the concerts! In the meantime, I've got the church gig, the June 8th CMM benefit (Glitter and Be Gay and Make Your Garden Grow. I almost can put Cunegonde down as a role I've studied!), and the Female Charitable Society Annual Meeting. I'll be singing most of my audition arias in a low pressure situation and getting paid (depending on how much the accompanist wants) for it to boot. So far: Baby Doe's Willow Song, Caro nome, Olympia and something more relaxed. Maybe One Kiss (the Romberg). I need something semi-familiar to the general membership. Or something more musical theaterish. Glitter's just too long to consider for inclusion, if that's what you're thinking. Then I go to Indiana!

I had a huge AW style lesson tonight. I went to our local library to accompany one of my students at the monthly open mike night and wound up in the middle of a wonderful artist’s date! People got up and sang or played whatever style they felt like. Some were good, some needed work - but all were appreciated. (I even got praised for my piano playing, but we won’t get into that...)

My first lesson came from a gentleman who had a massive stroke back in August. I’m told he’s a fabulous guitar player: it was evident, even though he didn’t play anything terribly complicated on the guitar and the left side of his body still isn’t fully useable, from what I’m told. (You wouldn’t have known it by me - I only wish I could play guitar that well!). He also decided to pick up the autoharp a few weeks ago, just to give him a musical outlet that wouldn’t rely on his left hand as much as the guitar does. Nothing is going to stop him from making music.

My second lesson came from my student. I arrived to find a freaked out student (”My voice is cracking, I won’t sing tonight”, etc), thinking she couldn’t even get through the one song, and then I found out that they would be *taping tonight for the public access channel* (!!) and that usually people had a whole set ready to go. I reminded her to relax and breathe and also told her that whatever she decided to to was fine with me. I also suggested that if she was willing, I’d help her work up a set for the following month - she’s got the rep in her voice to do that easily. She initially wasn’t going to do it, but with very little drama about it (unlike me :-), she signed up and did it. She knew it might not be perfect, but got up because she knew this was a good place to get the experience she needs. I need that kind of moxie.

An accepting group, performances that came from the heart and expressed the emotion of the text/music, people having fun making music. Wow. What a kick in the kiester that was.

While talking with the organizers afterwards, the subject of my nerves came up. To make this growing story short, I’ll be singing a few of my English language art songs at next month’s gathering. Talk about syncronicity!

MP’s - nada again. It’s been very hard for me to get started. I wonder what’s up with me there. Maybe I just need to start over with AW again, for a fresh start.

Artist’s Date: I didn’t get time to do one this week, due to a concert I performed in on Saturday. Anyone from the opera chorus/ensemble program who wanted to could prep a piece - for this concert, it had to be American music - and there were some incredible performances. Lots to learn from! I was asked to sing Baby Doe’s “Willow Song”, which was a real stepping out of my shell for me - my first real “diva” aria in that I could only rely on the voice, and not use my musical theater “schtick” to “act” my way through a piece when I felt nervous.(think Papagena for a typical role at the moment). Maybe one of these days I’ll fully get over the feeling of “needing to do something” every time I’m on stage! It went fairly well, and I was even able to incorporate a better passagio technique than I have in the past, which was a major breakthrough, as I usually go into this pseudo musical theatreish belt that spreads the sound way back and makes me go back on anything above a G at the top of the staff, when, if I focus on it, I've got about an octave above that! I did end up clutching at the beginning of the phrase that contains the high D, but such is life. If this is the worst performance I ever give of that piece, I'm doing great. It's a better start than I gave Musetta, that's for darn sure!!! I'll sing it again for the Female Charitable gig, along with Caro nome and a couple of other pieces, but that'll be decided for me once I get my schedule for Rising Star. Yay!

Oh - and I highly recommend “Meadowlark” from “The Baker’s Wife” by Stephen Schwartz to any mezzos out there that like performing contemporary musical theater - what a powerful piece! (published range: low B or so to an E at the top of the staff) I was simply blown away by this one Saturday night! My benchmark was Stephen's performance. He is so incredible - so totally within his music and character that he just opens his mouth and it comes out. That's the kind of performer I want to be. I'll get there yet. I need to not be afraid and to know that I can do things like Glitter and not screw up.

Synchronicity: as usual, I can always count on picking up a subbing job whenever I sub at this one building. Sure enough, I subbed for the speech teacher a couple of weeks back, and was called this week by one of the classroom teachers who’s class I “pushed” into (you go in to a given class to help students that you work with at other times of the day in smaller groups). Not only that, but the classroom teacher was someone I taught with in a different district when I was in public school full time. (hope that’s not too confusing). But it’s nice to be back in touch with her at any rate.

Goals:
1. AW and FlyLady - MPs, MPs, MPs!!
2. exercise: continue to use yoga breathing tape for energy. Add a weight loss video or ride the bike now
that the energy level is getting better.
3. practice for Benefit concert in June for CMM: “Glitter and be Gay” and add “Make Our Garden Grow”.
Contact accompanist for seperate rehearsal of “Glitter”.
4. Keep organizing for summer program.
5. Refine arias for late June mini recital for local charitable organization - focus on translations this week. Rehearse with accompanist in 2 weeks.
6. Keep up with early bedtime.

Any ideas for off-the-wall Artist’s Dates are most welcome.

Well, it turned out that I had a mono-related virus. I'm still not functioning fully vocally speaking. It's driving me crazy. Ah, well. Slow and steady wins the race. Better not to push a lot and be able to sing later rather than blow it all for momentary glory.

I'm still so thrilled about my acceptance to Rising Star for the summer. Nothing but training, training, training. 3 weeks to spend time on nothing but the voice. It'll be a good experience.

I'm a bit nervous about the concert coming up this week. I'm only singing one piece, but still - it's Baby Doe. I'd love to play that part, and I want people to hear me at my best on it. Well, back to work. More later when I've got time.

Now that things have calmed down a bit more, I’ve discovered that trying to get back into MP’s are harder than I thought (but they’ve been a struggle for me the last couple of rounds that we’ve had through the book.) I actually didn’t do *any* this week, but intend to rectify that!

I am doing this because I know I can achieve more that I have been in my performing career, and I really feel this is the career where God wants me to be. It’s performing where I feel the most like me - not teaching music in the public schools, which is where I was before leaving to get an MM in vocal performance due to the suggestion of a wonderfully supportive voice teacher. However, I can be the worst critic for myself and tend not to believe that I *can* do this career, despite the best support from some wonderful people in the business. The Artist’s Way was suggested by my current teacher.

Artist’s Date: we did our outreach show for an Arts Festival supported by a local church (their gift to the community). It’s a juried visual arts show with free performing arts concerts - all local artists. I went early and used the time to wander through the exhibits, which was a nice, peaceful time. No major breakthroughs, but it was a wonderful time to breathe and relax before a performance.

Synchronicity: probably the Artist’s Date. I wasn’t supposed to be the one performing my role at that performance, so I wouldn’t have been at the art show. All in all, it worked out well, and I have extra paycheck coming in.

Goals:
1. continue AW and FlyLady - special focus on morning pages!
2. exercise: continue to use yoga breathing tape for energy.
3. practice for FUUS concert 5/17: Baby Doe: “Willow Song” (rehearse with accompanist)
4. practice for Benefit concert in June for CMM: “Glitter and be Gay” and add “Make Our Garden Grow”
5. Keep organizing music, etc for Rising Star
5a. Send deposit to Rising Star
6. Put together copies of music for late June mini recital for local charitable organization. Use summer program rep and get it to accompanist. Set up rehearsal for 2 weeks from now.
7. Keep up with early bedtime.

With both Dido and MacBeth, I’ve been taking everything else pretty easy (especially while still under the recovery process!). MacBeth’s final performance is tomorrow - we got a 4 star in the paper this morning. Everything AW (and FlyLady for me too!) had been pushed to the side as I’ve been sleeping a lot and just focusing on performing - even subbing for an afternoon - 2 45 min. music theory classes, the lunch and planning periods just wiped me out. So, I’m going to get back on track this week. (starting Monday morning!).

Oh - and the result of my Dido and Aeneas dilemma from a few weeks back: the performance was okay. My mom said I wasn’t as strong as I usually am. Usually she’ll just say: “Oh, you were wonderful, dear!” no matter what, so it’s a step forward for her. But if there was any question in anyone’s mind, I am *Not* a mezzo :-). Everyone else sang beautifully - the Belinda graduated from the same high school I did a few years after me (I had just graduated college and was subbing at my old HS) - we even worked with the same teacher for a while. It was a real treat to hear how her voice has simply blossomed!

The following AW related things did happen:

Synchronicity: my high school chorus teacher handed me a large bag when I walked in for the aforementioned 1/2 day of subbing and said “Here’s a present for all the help you’ve given me this year.” It was a huge home spa kit that has been greatly appreciated during my recovery. My artist dates, at least, have been kept up!

And my major news: (drum roll): I received my formal acceptance letter to study at Rising Star Singers’ Audition Works from July 19-August 7. The acceptance letter was so positive (”The faculty unanimously accepts your application....”) that it totally made up for all the rejection letters during the recent YAP audition season!!

Goals:
1. Restart AW and FlyLady
2. exercise - use yoga breathing tape if still too tired
3. practice for FUUS concert: “Now...Later...Soon” and Baby Doe’s “Willow Song” (schedule rehearsals with accompanist)
4. practice for Benefit concert in June for CMM: “Glitter and be Gay”
5. Organize music, etc for Rising Star
6. Contact accompanist for late June mini recital for local charitable organization, discuss possible rep. (use summer program rep as much as possible)
7. Friday performance of outreach show (in my hometown - finally!)

I've been on complete voice rest for 2 whole weeks. It's driving me crazy. Everyone except one of the people I sing with has been fantastic about this. I'm grateful that one friend in particular is back, as she's filling in on my church gig for me. Sigh. I'm still tired. Will finish my thoughts tomorrow.

We finally got power back - Central NY was hit pretty heavily by an ice storm this weekend, so I had a forced tv deprivation (except for the little handheld tv a family member brought over on Saturday night for the big SU game - go SU!). I didn’t miss television at all! We couldn’t go outside for a bit due to falling branches - no damage to the house or cars, thank goodness. We only lost 3 trees and a whole lotta limbs - minor compared to everyone else. And even though the sump pump couldn’t do its job, we only had to bail out the cistern a few times - with the only pitcher small enough to fit that was handy: a carnivalware pitcher. (the colored shiny glassware that you find in antique stores!)

I didn’t have a real artist’s date, but I did have some nice quiet time due to all this, which was much needed - not only for my health, but for artistic reflection. I also got a start on Elisir, which I’ve been wanting to do for some time now. This whole weekend made me realize that although I have been taking time for me, I *haven’t* been taking time for me, if you know what I mean. It was *real* quiet time. It encouraged me to think about a retreat - religious or otherwise. I’m not sure yet. I just have this feeling there are some things in the back of my brain that I need to think through that aren’t coming out in the morning pages yet.

The ENT was fabulous - didn’t charge me for being a “new” patient (I saw him when he was in another group of otolaryngologists - sp?), nor did I need to be scoped, so I only paid for the office visit, and not the $400+ I had expected. Yay! Turns out I have something that is in the same family of viruses as mono. Am now on Zithromax, salt water gargle, no talking, and bed rest! No lesson till next week, and then, no arias or MT/job related stuff - I need to bring in “Come Ready and See Me”. Anything else of that level that you all like to sing are welcome suggestions!

The medical end of things: on hearing me, my teacher said not to even hum until about Wednesday, and the doctor referred me to the ENT - I now have an appointment on Friday to get scoped. Expensive, but worth it. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

I agree with whomever said that it gets harder the higher you move up the ladder in the business. I guess that’s why I love the educational programs I’m doing so much - the immediate contact with a very enthusiastic audience (even if they are telling the Giant where Jack is hiding in the house)! Nursing homes and senior centers are always a soul satisfying place to sing - and you don’t just need to sing “the oldies”. The seniors I usually sing for love it when I throw in something they haven’t heard before, as they tell me: “It keeps my mind growing!” I find these types of performances really keep me grounded.

My personal check in:

I’ve been felled by illness this week - probably not doing NATS, which I’m bummed about. I really feel/felt pretty good about it this time. (I usually freak out about competitions, but really felt like I was ready to move beyond my comfort zone this time!). AW has fallen by the wayside, and I have no excuse other than dealing with massive amounts of post-nasal drip (that’s what I get for not using the neti pot lately!) I’m determined to get back on track. With everything. I’ve been using my down time to catch up on the business end of things - thanks to all for the resume tips!.

My week - all is going well with AW. My big bonus was this morning - well, afternoon. I had a mini Artist’s Date when after church at noon today I walked outside to beautiful blue skies, birds chirping, a fresh breeze caressing the trees and turned around to see ***62 degrees*** on the digital clock perched atop MONY Towers. HeeHee!! I giggled all the way through my after church chores (bank and groceries) and drove to the nursing home the long way with the windows rolled down and the wind whipping through the car - I took the blasted wool coat off too. And for the first time in forever, I just enjoyed the music of the wind and didn’t pop in a tape or turn on the radio. Would that count as sound deprivation? Yippee!!!!!!!!!! As Sunday is my afternoon to spend with my grandfather, unless I have an audition or a performance, I grabbed his coat and hat and took him outside for a long walk and an early mini picnic underneath the trees out in front of the home. It actually got up to 66 degrees today!!!!! Yay!!!!

I still can't believe I finally have one of the leads in a production with an opera company!!! Well, not *the* lead, but a major role. I'll be playing Anne Ergeman in A Little Night Music with Oswego Opera!! The same director as Magic Flute, and some wonderful people to be on stage with. I've been told that I'm perfect for the part - I've kicked the weight loss into high gear - no way will I be going onstage at this weight wearing all white!! I'll look like an elephant. I need to lose the weight for my health, anyways. At least it's coming off in a healthy manner this time.

It seems so silly to be focused on this, though, when the whole world is falling apart. I'm grateful for every chance I have to be onstage, practicing my craft, but what does it mean in the grand scheme of things? I had an interesting conversation with an exchange student that stayed with our family. I believe it's important to get different perspectives and not just buy into everything we get through the media. Sometimes lately I wish we could take an isolationist stance. I'm tired of hearing that help is needed from the US and then hearing that we are too imperialistic a country. I agree that American brands should stay out of things - part of what makes this world a special place is all the differences you find - I'd hate to see any culture or language disappear due to the influx of another culture. That's just plain wrong. I think it suprised my friend when I made that statement. I believe we should all be there for each other - we need to help the starving and poor of the world - share knowledge, but not force our way of life on each other. But how does that fit in with removing dirtbags like Hitler, Hussein and bin Laden. People like that don't deserve to be in power. I get mad seeing pictures of all the palaces - what is it - 6? - that Hussein has and then the conditions of the poor in his country. Stop whining about how the US is keeping 'your' people oppressed and take care of them, for pete's sake! You're willing to destroy the people of Iraq and say that we are at fault? I don't think so. Take a look in the mirror.

I don't know. I'm beginning to blather - need sleep.

The biggest thing I’ve found to be helpful is the concept of portion control a la Weight Watchers - a serving of meat should be the size of a deck of cards, an apple (for instance) should be the size of your fist (which means all the gigunda ones from Cornell Orchards are worth at least 3 servings - possibly 4! Yikes!). I’ll have to go back and review them all. Since focusing on that, I actually notice when I’m hungry, rather than just eating because of the clock.

Here’s some 0 point soup recipies (WW works on a point system for each food or foods that you eat), including the WW 0 point all veggie soup that I absolutely love! My mom and I both discovered that we like adding more broth (I use veggie stock) to it, however.

http://members.shaw.ca/srees/Zero%20Point%20Soups.htm

I’m also working through Yoga and Pilates videos, as well as dragging out the exercise cycle. I picked up a new video the other week - one of my treats from paycheck for the 2 week outreach gig.

Oh - and one of FlyLady’s mottos is “You can do anything for 15 minutes.”, and has an exercise section on the web site. One of the cool tricks is to set a timer for 7 minutes, start walking and when it goes off, turn around and come home. Scroll down to the green box at the bottom of the main page and click on “FlyLady FLYers”.

http://flylady.net/

Just one major thing to check in with this week: I just found out I got the role!!!!!!!!!!!! November 1 and 2, I’ll be playing Anne in A Little Night Music. Thanks to everyone for all their support. It’s a step up within the role hierarchy for me. Needless to say, for those that know the show, my weight loss endeavors are being move to the front burner - she wears all white for the entire show! I love having something in “future engagements!!”

MacBeth starts up this week - I’m hoping to be off book for the first choral rehearsal. I think I’ll make it!!

Everything else is going as per usual. Successful Jack and the Beanstalk, successful Evensong today.

Goals:

1. MacBeth choral parts
2. brush up the Erie Canal outreach show for Thursday
3. NATS music
4. work new vocalises in practice routine
5. aria lecture recital
6. reorganize audition business “stuff”
7. keep up with new foods experimentation
8. try a new exercise video

Reporting in on my Dido and Aenaeas dilemma: I just got back from an audition with the same company for their fall production: A Little Night Music, so keep me in your thoughts! The music director was particularly pleased to hear me on some higher stuff(!) I sang Juliette (Je veux), which seems to work for me at the moment. I even got to read and sing from the score, which actually was a lot of fun - nothing like a church gig for keeping your sightreading in shape! (at least my job!). (I even mentioned working on Zerbinetta when asked about current projects, and maybe it was just me, but they seemed interested! Another role I need to get into the voice!)

My Artist’s Date for the week: the local high school (where I sub when I’m not gigging) is doing a vocal jazz cabaret in the cafeteria Wednesday evening - from what I understand, it’s going to be set up like a coffee house complete with all the numnums;-). Tickets were only $5, so I’m treating myself - not great for my diet, but great fun! I’m really looking forward to it!

Oh - and the opera arias lecture-recital was discussed with the junior high teachers, so I may be singing there as well - that 6 more performances of each aria!!!! Yeah!!!!! I love the fact that the teachers (all solid pianists) will be accompanying, so I’ll get used to different accompanists as well. Always a bonus. (that and I don’t need to pay someone to come with me!)


Goals:

1. aria lecture recital polish
2. NATS music at lesson
3. review MacBeth chorus parts
4. Jack and the Beanstalk performance
5. review Evensong music for church job.
6. review Mule for next week’s outreach

Oh - if you ever are looking for a really peaceful Artist’s Date - check out an Evensong service at an Episcopal church. Even with needing to perform, it’s a beautiful evening.

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone in the military right now. I hope that everything just resolves itself before anything happens, but I know what it looks like right now. It's hard to keep singing sometimes. Does it do any good? Are we needed? I think music is a balm, a way of sharing as well as expressing our emotions, theraputic, etc. I don't think we should be going over on our own. I don't think we should just ignore him like people did with Hitler, but if we go over alone, wouldn't that put us on the same level as the terrorists? Why can't the powers that be see that? It's like the death penalty - why should someone be killed to prove that killing is wrong? As Teyve says in "Fiddler on the Roof": "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth and the whole world will be blind and toothless." A line used for humor, usually, but quite true. I keep singing and praying, but I feel like I'm swimming uphill sometimes. I know God is there, but I want to be active - I know, I know - on your knees praying is the best way for a religious person to be active - its the actor's problem of feeling the need to "do something" on stage. Be still and know that He is God.

Wow - I can’t believe how long it’s been since I posted. I’ve only been perusing posts lately due to a 2 week stretch with the outreach program in a children’s opera introducing the kiddies to Harriet Tubman. (She Never Lost a Passenger). It was nice to be gainfully employed singing rather than subbing! The only draw back was driving through the really crappy weather we’ve been going through to get into the theater! I hope everyone that was affected by the latest system to slam dunk us is managing to stay warm!

Career wise - the voice is progressing, and I am putting Susanna (Figaro) aside, as I’ve been told twice now by people I highly respect that I would be able to act it like a dream, but the vocal fit is not there at this time. I’m glad I’ve got some time - and the mini lecture recital at my old high school - to work on a new aria package.

AW - going well. I’ve been using the MP journal for poetry and quotes now as well as MP’s. Tried a few new recipies - my father even liked the latest tofu attempt! I also put up a shelving unit with a little drawer in the bottom for my new “Artist’s Altar” - I was given a copy of “The Musician’s Prayer”, and put that in the center, along with a few show gifts, candles, the 5 stones we had to find and a pinecone from an Artist’s Date walk. Next Artist’s Date: x-country skiing out at the county park near my house. The Lake Trail is 3 miles long and should provide the perfect AD.

One question: How do you get the image of a lower voice out of a conductor’s mind? I sang with the company I just did Flute with before I left for my master’s (still very much a legit musical theater voice at that point in time), have been asked back to do Dido and Aeneas - as Witch #2. The size of the part and compensation don’t bother me in the slightest - it’s just where the role sits. I have all the notes in my voice, but am concerned that it doesn’t get out of my basement, and I’ve made too many strides vocally to just push the voice back down. Is the difference between Witch 1 and Witch 2 enough that I should say, “Sorry - not this time”? (The duet is almost identical except for the end, where I hang out at the G just above middle C and below - the first witch rides about an octave above and I’m afraid I’d get buried or try to push through and go back to my old ways - but it’s only for a few measures) . I guess I just don’t like saying no or reinforcing a lower voiced image for the music director, especially being under consideration for the 2003 season (and a couple of shows I’m dying to do - but I’d better check the roles he has in mind!) In this one area, I’m still pretty much the same wuss I was when I started AW last year - I don’t like saying no to people. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Ernie Ball

I just found out that a dear life-long friend has passed away - Ernie Ball. My Sunday School teacher during junior high - one of his last classes, I think. Always so supportive - both he and his wife, Julia. They're really like an extra set of grandparents to me - I'm their "Pretty One". It's hard to imagine he's gone. Such a sweet man. I can see his smile now - how his eyes would light up. We can be grateful he went in his sleep - no pain - just slipped quietly away. One of the "saints" of the local church - someone you could always look up to and turn to. I pray we find a cure for Parkinson's soon - what a horrible disease. At least he didn't get to the state of not being able to swallow and starving to death from what I understand at this time. I pray Grandpa doesn't get there either. Such a hard thing to watch - I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to go through. All these sweet, dear people suffering. They don't deserve to suffer like this - but you never see their faith falter. They always know God will see them through it all. It's hard to believe he's gone. He's always been there. God Bless You, Mr. Ball. I want to be able to see you again someday.

I'm sitting here listening to the State of the Union address. Not to sure what to think anymore. I like the national healthcare - but they've been talking about that for years. But we need that (me especially). I'm afraid of war, but afraid of letting things go, like they did during WWII. I want peace so much - every time I see M*A*S*H, I think of what war causes - orphans, widows and widowers, communities destroyed, separated families, not to mention the death and destruction. There are times that I'm thinking of expatriating, I'm so worried about the way things are going here. But no country is perfect OR safe from the terrorists of the world. I'd just love to escape (so to speak) to a little cottage in the heart of the Welsh countryside, have my own garden, and teach voice. Or Ireland. I also love Austria - Salzburg is gorgeous, but my German is not that strong - yet. It seems like things are so complicated here. I don't know. I haven't been feeling good about me today - really rotten. I feel like I am the worst person on the face of the earth - mean, rotten, nasty, and no good to anyone. I see people that are so good suffering, and here I sit - good for nothing. All these children suffering - I feel like such a waste. I have it so easy. I pray for the innocents around the world. I wonder if anyone outside the United States really knows that there are people here that don't want the innocents hurt or killed. I think of how my sister was beaten when she was overseas during the Gulf War, just because she was an American. She had nothing to do with it - she was in high school, for pete's sake, but a bunch of her classmates jumped her on the street corner. Thank goodness for her friends that stepped in.

Ah - here he goes with the terrorist part of the speech. I was waiting for this. Why do people do this - don't they know that people around the world get bad images for others in their country or religion? All I want to do is share the music. I hope Passenger is as cathartic an experience as it was last year. I'd better really go listen to the rest of this. I'm in too much of a funk to write any more.

I finally got my paycheck for some "forgotten to post" sub days - long story there - so I went to Wegman's (my favorite grocery store in upstate/central/western NY) and went crazy shopping through the "Nature's Marketplace" and organic veggies and fruits. A health food goal for this year is to try one new form of vegetarian cooking - this month is tofu. I've never actually cooked with it from scratch, so I picked up some "silken" for fruit smoothies (along with some yummy blueberries and raspberries) and "extra firm" for stir-fries. Any recipe suggestions are most welcome! I also treated myself to a nice new back brush for my frequent soaks in the whirlpool, along with a couple of new "music for relaxation" CD's, which I must admit, I broke into on the ride home.

Had a wonderful, but brief visit today with my grandfather, who resides in the local nursing home. I’ve made it a point to find something new for him to eat before I go there on Sundays, so I took advantage of the store made hummus (hommus?), which is quite good, picked up some rolls, and had a little snack with him before the church service at the home. He loved the hummus, and we had fun sharing some wonderful memories about his diner years and cooking for the family (he ran a very well known local restaurant for about 31 years - people still remember his pies!). One of my tofu experiments will be next on my list!

Other than that, things are cooking right along with TAW. I actually began the new year with a massive 2 day decluttering/organizing while listening to some new opera CD’s. My favs - the Futral/Alagna English version of Lucia and Anne Sophie von Otter’s Christmas album (My father: “Isn’t she the violin player?” I was thoroughly impressed that he even remembered Anne Sophie Mutter, whom we saw at Carnegie Hall about 5 years ago! He really is paying attention!) Even though the cleaning wasn’t what we usually think of for an artist’s date, it really recharged my batteries.

More synchronicity for me this week. I was in subbing for my old high school chorus teacher, discovered that she’s doing opera for her next history unit for the Theory I students, offered to come sing for them, and between the two of us came up with a whole lecture recital for me to come in and teach. What a wonderful way to get to practice the audition package!! I’m still toying with a few pieces, but I know it means dragging out Una voce (they’re watching Barbiere!), which is proving to be the kick in the butt I need to get that piece in shape. (It never felt good before). The masterworks concert this year is all in Russian - I’m thrilled because I did my independent study in Russian diction for my master’s degree, so I’ll get to use that for something else besides me, AND so the new language teacher on the faculty who is from the Ukraine and speaks fluent Russian can come in and work with the kids, I’ve offered to cover the class she teaches during chorus in exchange for some Russian coaching. (Keep your fingers crossed on that one!) Sorry for the wordiness, but I’m really excited!!

Other than that, things are going well with AW. Lots for me to think about in all areas of life.

Goals (probably for the next month!):

1. Focus on aria package, including stuff on the back burner
2. Write up mini opera lecture/recital
3. Brush up on outreach programs
4. Send in new apps, keep gleaning addresses from Opera America
5. Actively investigate European auditions
6. Set up time and place for new arias recording sampler
7. Make wedding sampler tape with church organist
8. Investigate new coaches

Anyone with advice on #5, please speak up. Has anyone used the following web site? Is it worth it, or is this something I should do myself?

http://www.musicentral.com/Opera-Singers/

Wow - the Christmas season was so busy, I completely forgot about my online projects! My web site is coming along - finally. I've been subbing as well as performing - including a few sub jobs that reminded me of why I quit teaching full time. I love teaching one on one, but not classroom. I don't like the person I was becoming when I was teaching full time. The me that teaches privately and performs is a much better human being - or at least I feel more centered. We've got more outreach shows coming up, including a two week stint with "She Never Lost a Passenger" at the Civic Center. It'll be good to see everyone again. And good to be onstage performing full time and not relying on 5 am sub calls. I still think I'd rather sub than temp, though. I've heard how bad the temp market is in NYC. I don't think I need that.

Exciting news for my church job - we're doing Howard Boatwright's Passion (on St. Matthew I think - I've only seen the score once) for the Good Friday services this year. It's nice to do something different for a change. I love the masterworks - singing the Faure Requiem was a blast last year, but even though I don't have any real solos, I like that we are doing an unsung piece. And one by a celebrated local composer. More as practices progress!

My synchronicity is the most important event of the week for me!

I subbed for an elementary general music teacher on Friday, not expecting much out of the day at all other than the paycheck when I saw the lesson plans. The nurse at the building in question is a long time family friend, so we had lunch together in her office, right off the main office. Some faculty members joined us, so my friend introduced me all around with: “She’s an opera singer.” The other teachers were in disbelief and asked me to sing to prove it - not like people gripe about, but in such a fun way that I put my sandwich down, **And Couldn’t Think Of Anything To Sing**! I asked what they’d like to hear, and one woman requested Schubert’s Ave Maria. I was expecting comparisons to certain classical pop performers, but not the entire office wing becoming dead silent and one woman openly weeping. The third grade class I later had was walking by the office and told me they thought it was the radio or the tv, and I gave my name and contact info out twice for potential wedding gigs. It also hopefully drummed up business for our upcoming outreach program on Harriet Tubman (She Never Lost a Passenger). I love it when this happens!!!

So that’s my favorite TAW story of the week. Things are going well otherwise, and I’m debating about doing a tour audition with Troika for Sound of Music. I don’t want to put the operatic development on hold, since it’s going fairly well right now, but tour money can be good. But I’ve also heard bad stories about some non-union tours - I need to do my research on Troika. Not to mention the thought of Sound of Music for 6 months to a year is not the highlight of my life (although my mother is thrilled to death.)Can you tell I’m really waffling about this? I know, it’s just an auditon with no guarantee of a job, I don’t need to take it, etc - but that’s not the way my folks see it.


Goals for the week:

1. keep up with the exercise cycle/opera videos
2. keep working on the arias to get ready for new demo to send out
3. finish learning Belinda
4. brush up on outreach shows
5. learn new church music
6. keep decluttering
7. more concentrated effort on language tapes
8. Contact accompanist